Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Recipe for Disaster

Start with one lovely and down right handy John Deer Tractor....

Next, add in a large, bulky, yet equally handy gannon. 

Firmly attach your handy dandy gannon to the back of your handy dandy tractor.  Thus making your piece of machinery doubly handy dandy and also twice as bulky and slightly more difficult to maneuver.  

Next add in a driver.  

We find it best to use a dorky, less than handy, elderly driver of the female persuasion. This recipe is especially successful if your driver does not know her left from right and often has trouble with forward and reverse as well.  Someone similar to this: 

(one who clearly should try combing her hair or
 putting on some makeup once in a while)

Be sure to inform her that, although yes, the tractor is easier to handle without the gannon, you want it left on there for now so that you have it for the endless construction project you have going on the other side of the property.  

Feel free to turn her loose with your piece of machinery for use in cleaning her horse pens.  Don't bother commenting on her "speed racer" tendencies, not only will she not hear you over the tractor, but she doesn't listen worth a damn.  

Now add in one gate: 

Go ahead and start with a perfectly straight one, still attached to the fence.  By time your driver is done it will look just like this one! 

You will then be able to retire said gate to the "Herdlife Gate Graveyard"

Especially if you are smart enough to choose a driver who has "priors". 

When your driver tries desperately to turn the tables and put the blame on you for not removing the gannon from the piece of machinery you may simply distract her by pointing bright side of things:

A) At least she didn't take down any awnings.

B) She did managed to add 3 feet of width to that narrow spot in drive way and got some lovely work dirt done.

There use to be a hole there. 

C) She also was able to get a lovely tan...albeit a fake one made of dirt which will wash off in the shower. 

This concludes our recipe for disaster.  WARNING: If you attempt to do this at home with out the guidance of a non-professional, we cannot be held responsible should your project turn out fine without any bent gates or otherwise damaged pieces of property.  

Apparently over here at Herdlife...we are just plain lucky to have such talented folks on our payroll.